Week Two is in the bag. And as the weeks go on, it tends to get better and better. There is never a dull moment in the NFL, so let's recap what happened yesterday:

- Another Sunday, another reason why I'm gonna have hypertension in a few years. The Ravens are gonna be the death of me. Two close games back-to-back and it was killing me to watch. My boo, Philip Rivers, made the Ravens D earn their paycheck yesterday. Rivers had a career high 436 yards passing against the Ravens' defense, but it was the lack of TD's in the redzone that allowed Baltimore to hang around and win the game. Shout out to Ray Lewis for finding the Fountain of Youth and not sharing. Dude is hella old in football years, but still got it!


*bonus* Philip Rivers, I still love you, boo!

-The Browns are sad... really sad.. I kinda feel bad for everyone involved. You know it's bad when the head coach fines a player $1700 for a bottle of water. Every body's fed up.

-If you're a Redskins fan, you CANNOT be happy that you squeaked out a win against the Rams. And don't give me that, "A win is a win" mess.. it was the RAMS!!!! That was a painful game to watch. I just thank the football gods for allowing me to see the Pats-Jets game during the same time.

*bonus* Twitter will be the death of Redskins LB Robert Henson in DC. What a dummy!

-If you are a Rams fan, you have to be even more mad that you coughed up the ball inside the Redskins' 5 yard line for the possible go ahead score and the win. If it wasn't for bad luck, you guys wouldn't have any.

- I'm so glad Sexy Rexy and the Jets walked the walk. The old adage is, don't have your mouth write checks that your azz can't cash. Well, the Jets cashed in their checks, stocks, bonds, everything with that win. Congrats to Sanchez and Co. for the big win against the Pats. We know what team came to play yesterday, and it wasn't the team Brady was on.



*bonus* Bill Belichick has to be the sorest loser in the NFL. They guy has had 3 Super Bowls and a perfect regular season. But when he loses, he has the phoniest handshake ever. I'm convinced he woulda pulled a "LeBron" had Sanchez not ran him down to be a good sport.

- If you are a Packers fan, you're mad about how the game ended. But you can't be mad at Chad Ochocinco. The guy is hard to dislike, and he said that he was gonna do the Lambeau Leap in the crowd. I'm real mad that he chose a "soft" spot and found 3 Bengals fans to jump into (I'm convinced that Bengals fans don't travel, so I think those were actors that were paid to sit there in case he scored). The craziest part of the leap, is the guy in the white shirt that seems to be punching him on the back. Dude... simma down, Chad means no harm





- Can we just give Drew Brees the NFL MVP Award now??? Dude is a beast.

- Jeff Reed, there is no crying in football.

- I wrote that the Jags should move to LA during the summer, and more and more this suggestion seems to be coming true. They don't have the support from the fans and don't have a need to show up on Sundays to give them a reason to come. It's sad, really, because Maurice Jones-Drew is a great player and his talent is going to waist right now

- Michael Vick can play next week, YEAY!!!!!

- Raiders/Chiefs game.... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

- HELLOOOOOOOOOOO Houston, and thank you for coming out to play with us this week. Great game from the Texans.

- I think I'm gonna pick the Lions to win next Sunday... I wonder who they play??? *looks at schedule* Washington Redskins... Yup.... I think I will.


- Is it me, or are the Cowboys always "Tardy For The Party"? You know.. their own... Jerry Jones handpicked the Ravens to close out Texas Stadium, had this great post game ceremony lined up, but then allowed two of the longest run plays in stadium history, along with a loss. Then they open up that empire of a stadium with all of the trimmings (cage dancers included), and lose to the Giants in the final seconds of the game. When will America's Team keep up with JJ's extravagant activities in his stadiums??? I'm just saying...........


*bonus* If I see Jordin Sparks performs one more National Anthem at a football game, I'm gonna pull my hair out. I know work is hard to find these days, but damn... isn't there an Idol Reunion Tour you you need to be on?? Jordin Sparks, sitcho irrelevant azz down!

So I'm sure you have heard by now that Ray Lewis has come back to the Ravens, signing a 3 year deal to more-than-likely retire a Raven.

This make the Ravens and a lot of their fans happy. But let's be honest, this contract didn't happen without a little bit of drama.

On Friday, NFL Network's Adam Schefter reported that Lewis allegedly said he would rather retire than come back to the Ravens. This infuriated a lot of fans (myself included) once word got out. Why bite the hand that fed you? At that point, he didn't receive any other offer from other teams, as he expected. Eventually, he picked his face up from the ground and said he never said such things, and that he would consider coming back (pretty convenient once he realized he wasn't as hot a commodity as he thought).

For the most part, all is forgotten now that Ray is back. But I got the exclusive on what really went down between Ray and the organization. To entertain you better, I've added some extras to liven up what happened

3/27, 12:00am
Ray- WHAT TIME IS IT?!

Agent- PAY TIME!!!

Ray- I'm free! I'm FREE!!!!! I'm so blessed, God has freed me! Finally!

Agent- Man, you are about to get paid!!!!! You're gonna make it rain!! It's gonna be


You're freakin' Ray Lewis, who wouldn't want you on their team?!

Ray-




12:30am

Agent- Don't worry, we have so much time. They'll be calling soon. I guarantee it. You're freakin' Ray Lewis

Ray- Oh I know, I'm the best MLB ever! I'm inhuman!


I can changes teams. Who wouldn't want me??



8:30am
Ray-
Hey, did JJ call yet?? Anybody??

Agent- Nope, but give it some time, you're freakin' Ray Lewis!!



12:30pm

Ray- What the hell is going on??? Why isn't your phone ringing?? Albert just got a stupid amount of money. Hell, so did DeAngelo and he can't ball like me. And how did old a&% Brian Dawkins get picked up before me?? I swear, I'll retire before I go back to B-More. $17 mil guaranteed? For what I did for this team?? Who do they think I am? I WANT MY MONEEEEYYYYYY!!!


Agent- JJ must be sleeping, give it some time, you're freakin' Ray Lewis, for crying out loud!!


4:30pm

Agent- Okay, time to do damage control. We need to issue statement to say you never said you didn't think of returning, and that you never said those things to DeMarcus

Ray- So, you want me to lie and deny????

Agent- Basically... yes I do.

Ray-




2/28, afternoon time

Agent-

Look..... I think it's time to throw in th.....

Ray- I'm not throwing in anything. I'm Ray Lewis. You best believe someone is gonna call me. Tell you what, if we don't get a decent offer before Monday, I'll go back to the Ravens. But it won't happen. I'm Ray Lewis



3/2, sometime during the day

Agent- Ray, it's Monday and you said.....

Ray- I know what I said. I'm Ray Lewis!!! Ray remembers everything he said! Gimme til Tuesday. The dust has settled from the first days of free agency. You'll see, they'll be calling!


3/3, 8:59pm

Agent-
Hello... Ozzie?? Ray wants to make sure that offer still stands....uh huh.............. uh huh................ okay... yeah, Ray always wanted to be a Raven anyway. You understand, right?! It's just a business, that's all....okay...... thanks again, for everything

Ray- *sigh* I don't understand.... I'm Ray Lewis. No one wanted me? No one?!! Now I have to go back and kiss Ozzie's a&$ and tell everyone I'm happy to retire a Raven. I shouldn't be looking for Ozzie, Ozzie is supposed to be looking for me... I'm Ray Lewis... Now I have to eat my words... The fans hate me right now.... this sucks!!!!


3/4, 6:07pm

Ray- From beginning to end as a Raven … Wow! My heart is with the Ravens. My heart is with Baltimore and the great fans........

Fans reaction-

*******************************************************************************

September, 2009 Week 1-



There you have it, the scoop on what REALLY went down with Ray Lewis and his decision to re-sign to Baltimore. But don't tell them you heard it from me!!!

Disclaimer: Don't be mad, it's just COMEDY! Although I was disappointed in the way Ray handles this situation, I'm glad he's back to Baltimore, where he BELONGS!